Writing Your Timeline for Success
Since we’re talking about eliminating Daylight Saving Time in the U.S., I originally wanted to name this post “Changing Your Clock.” It was as appropriate a title as any for a discussion on reframing time and how it plays into your future success. This week, instead of keeping up on the Daylight Saving news (have we decided yet?), I’ve spent my time starting a mind map for my future book. As I’ve doodled out all the points and narratives of the book, one concept that’s really stuck out to me is how people perceive their expected, nay socially required, timeline of success. And we can blame my thoughts on this issue due to recently watching The Golden Girls.
That’s right, the Golden Girls.
For those that weren’t alive in the 80s and early 90s, let me give you a recap. Golden Girls was a show that aired from 1985-92 and followed three women living together as they go into their “golden years.” They all had grey hair, two of them were widows. They wore pajamas that were the equivalent of moo moos and wore big grandma-like jewelry and long sleeve/long pant everything. They constantly talked about their years being behind them. They’ve been on my mind a lot lately. Here’s a photo of what they looked like. Can you guess how old the characters were for the show?
The Trio of Best Friends. The show was about them, but we know that Sophia was the reason we watched. - Photo Public Domain of NBC Promotion Material
They were supposed to be in their fifties!!!!!
Now this is what 50 in society looks like today:
Oh excuse me, I stand corrected. That’s what SIXTY TWO looks like, promoting above-50 fitness.
Aging and timing based on age have ALWAYS been a social construct.
BREAKING DOWN THE TIMELINE
Now we know that time has changed for aging since the 80s, for men and women alike, but what hasn’t changed as effectively is what we deems as the timeline of being a “successful adult.” Tell me if this sounds familiar:
Age 18 - get your High School degree
Age 22 - better have your college degree by then
Age 24 - know with certainty what your career is going to be
Age 27 - find the love of your time…or at least someone to marry
Age 27-33 - get married somewhere in there or else you’re “behind” (subject to later in NYC or LA)
Age 29 - the hypothetical deadline to experiment with any career changes, gap years, etc. If you missed it, your next chance is retirement.
Age 30 - Buy the Nice New Car, Buy the First House that’s a little too big in case the family visits
Age 35 - better have tried for babies before the eggs run out on the female in the relationship
or Age 35 - decided not to have kids to pursue your career
Age 35-55 - put your dreams on hold to raise the kids or raise your career
Age 40-60 - Possibility of the following: parent caretaking, loss of parents, divorce (hopefully not), Children’s College expenses
Age 60 - Sell that Big House (if you haven’t already) because it’s too big to manage in retirement. Start those bigger vacations now, but no more than a week so you “don’t disrupt work”, And Honestly, you’re spending most of the vacations traveling to see the kids at college or with their own new families.
Rest of 60s - prepare to retire. If you can’t, then you “didn’t work hard enough” (Economy and Social Security Changes be damned). Fingers crossed you kept your health so you can.
Of course, this is a generalization. Some may never divorce, and some may have three. Family issues may arrive a lot earlier, like the loss of a spouse or - in my case - losing a parent and becoming a caretaker, which began in my 30s instead of my 50s.
But the point is: why is there a “program” at all? Well, there is one because it honestly IS (mostly) a nice life. But the reality is…. we know it because it’s been the “idea” of success for a long time. And realistically, there’s nothing wrong with it. Its just archaic thinking
TIMES ARE CHANGING
Millennials and Gen Zers inherently know its not working anymore. This “success story” has written the lives of many people born in the 1940s to 1970s just isn’t our reality. Millenials and Gen Zers have tried the program and know it’s not working.
We’re getting married later and having kids less. In the U.S., we’ve experienced a rocky job market throughout the 2000s, with no loyalty to companies and at least 3-5 pivots on what our career even is. Our careers aren’t even loyal to our degrees, with over 80% in a career outside of their original studies, and many over $10K in debt no matter if we studied art history, pre-med, or engineering. Our jobs aren’t loyal to us if robots can do the work, and the government might (might) get rid of Social Security someday because of the expense. And on that note, the fear mongering on social media is extremely high, making people feel locked into a system that they just have to put up with.
As a result, people are getting stuck somewhere between Catatonic and complacent. If we can’t, why try?
CHANGING THE CLOCK
So just like 60+ year old fitness influencers are changing the script of what aging should look like, YOU have a right to change the script on what success looks like. Here’s some REAL LIFE examples I’ve run into in the real world:
Decided to marry and have kids through your 30s? That doesn’t mean that you can have a single summer to yourself to go climb Kilimanjaro while still in the prime of your 40s or 50s. I bet the kids would be proud, and maybe the teenager can go with you! (note: the teenager did!)
Chose to go hard on your career in your 20s? SAVE NOW and save hard, so you can do a gap year in your 30s instead, with more purpose and direction than you had post-college (note: it worked and a business came of it…and I don’t mean me!)
Marriage failed? What a great time to be responsible just to yourself and move to a new country to learn a language (note: and publish a book about the experience!)
Got pregnant by accident? Through hell or high water, still take that Iceland trip you booked last year, adjusting to the baby’s needs (note: coolest woman I ever met and she got to see the Northern Lights that trip)
Financially locked in and can’t leave a job right now? Volunteer in your local community for something you really care about (note: you became an elected city member! and that became the job)
Like Person #2, I chose my career was the priority of my 20s… but instead of building a business I proceeded to use all my savings to hike across the length of New Zealand. Best six months of my life, and I did it RIGHT when the timeline said I should be well into my career and making babies.
These are all success stories of BIG life changes, and ones that didn’t happen without a lot of grit and without a lot of work. It also required a lot of reframing on when is the appropriate time to do these types of things. But all of these things brought life and a new metric of success to each person’s life, and it required keeping their eyes open for the opportunity to pivot.
In the Book The Power of Moments, the author suggests that everyone in their life faces moments that change how someone sees themselves. Those moments come, good or bad, and make a person rethink how they define themselves. Now I don’t know what those moments were. Maybe Person 1 read an article about the Seven Summits. Maybe Person 4 had a phone call that determined they would be a single parent and had to choose the course from there. I don’t have any idea if these are true. But I can surmise that, in in each of these cases, people experienced a moment in their life where they chose to pivot against the standard “path” to success, and chose a new direction on their own journey toward what THEY saw as worthwhile. They rewrote success.
MAKE PEACE WITH THE PACE
So if being open to Pivot and write your own metrics of success is the first point, my second point is this:
“Life is yours to write, but it’s not always on your timeline.” - Quote, me
What I mean is even when the moment comes that you have to decide to pivot….finances, life, family circumstances, contracts, job opportunities…. can all prevent you from making the leap right away. Patience is a virtue, but it’s also a bitch. But we’ll get into that on DAY 2, and perhaps a How-To on defining what is your Success on DAY 3.
